The Blog
sneak peak from
THREAT
Reasons Why I’m A Bitch
1.
I maintain a weird amount of eye contact. Studies show it is human nature to break eye contact after about 3 seconds. Anyone who holds eye contact longer than that either wants to fuck you or kill you.
a. I don’t want to sleep with you or even murder you (trust me, I’m as shocked as you are). But if I look away, how on earth am I supposed to know if you want to do either to me?
2.
I am eerily comfortable in chaos. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a free spirit – not one person would ever describe me as such. I’m more of a masochist, a force, an animal.
a. I talked to my dad on the phone recently and he said, “Hey, I saw on the news that some homeless guy chased someone in Malibu with a machete.”
b. And I said, “Good thing I haven’t been down there lately,” unsure how to advance the conversation.
c. And he said immediately, “Oh, I’m not worried about you.”
d. Then, “You could outrun anything.”
3.
My type of attachment issue is the one where when someone is not physically with me, I discount our entire relationship, grow to hate them, imagine a whole life without them. I think they call that “out of sight, out of mind,” I think they call that “anxious attachment style”. Everything in my life is about anxiety, what else is new.
a. “Sometimes you look at me like you’ve never seen me before,” Ryder has told me more than once.
b. I want to tell him, sometimes I think it’s better when you don’t exist.
and just like that
And just like that,
We’re drinking bottles of wine,
The last one left behind.
A gnarly knot of need that lives in my bones
To be “desperate” is so pathetic, unless it’s to gasp for air in the middle of a shark infested sea. I am a minnow, and I am fucked.
(I) Miss Me More
You loved drugs and Burning Man, and I loved overdoing cardio and eating Cheez-It’s for dinner.
Learning to Forget
I no longer reach my hand to my phone,
On instinct,
To make you a part of the moments I once only called my own.
Floating in the Cosmos
But, had you dove to the bottom of the sea,
You would’ve found more water,
And you would’ve had to learn how to swim.
What’s the Difference?
Did you realize you were narrowing my world so small,
that it only became an exit?
One Stranger Away
What I once thought was a beautiful sunset,
One day,
Just turned into 6pm.
Glimmers in the last 30 days
No one has asked how my heart is more times than in the last 30 days.
I’ve never been asked before.
I wonder a month ago how I would have answered.
The Seven Stages of Grief | Reconstruction
You are my phantom limb,
And I beg myself to become bionic.
The Seven Stages of Grief | Depression
After you left, I used your towel for a week,
I cannot get clean from you.
The Seven Stages of Grief | Denial
Little death, little death, little death,
I’m not afraid to die.
